In the Night, in the Dark
by She-Elf4
Summary: While out on the town after a fight with Leo, Raph is attacked and humilliated by Shredder. How can he tell his family, and how will he deal? Preg, not REALLY m. Depressing.
1. Chapter 1

A.N.: This is my first TMNT fic. This is the second time I've tried to post it, because it got erased the first time. They said it needed a higher rating. So, here I am, trying again on a higher rating. Of course, I don't own TMNT. Unfourtunately.

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"Raph, get back here!" Leonardo Yelled.

"Who's going to make me?" Raphael yelled in response.

"Maybe I will," Leonardo said, coming out to face Raphael. Raph glared at him.

"I'd like to see you try," Raphael snapped. At this, Leo grabbed Raph's arms and started dragging him back to the dojo. Raphael freed himself with difficulty and headed the other direction.

"Why don't you leave well enough alone for once?" he yelled.

"Why can't you leave your bad attitude at the door for once?" Leonardo snapped.

"Fine! It's going to the door!" Raphael shouted, heading for the door. After grabbing an old trench coat and a hat, he slammed the door behind him.

Raphael stomped up to the street, cursing all the way. He found the nearest gaming arcade and slammed the fee to get in down on the counter. Then, intent on blowing something up, he started on the most violent game he could find.

Half an hour later, Raphael was calmed down enough to think. He was sitting in a corner drinking a coke. 'Why is it every time I think I'm getting better, Leo gas to criticize me?' he wondered to himself. The more he thought about it, the more it seemed that Leonardo just enjoyed putting him down. Raphael left the arcade and started wandering the streets. Sure, Leo picked on the others, but he seemed especially hard on Raph. Raph was so lost in thought that he didn't notice the figure following him.

Raphael wandered to a rather un-crowded park. Flopping down on a bench, he let out a troubled sigh. 'Why do I always rise to the occasion?' he wondered. 'Almost every week, Leo and I get into a fight, and I end up stomping off.' Then, of course, came the unavoidable punishments from Splinter. 'No-one likes it. Why do I do it?' Raphael asked himself.

He got up, figuring it was time to go home. He wandered around, looking for a deserted street. The shadowy figure followed closely. It waited for the right time to strike.

Raphael went down a deserted alley. Not seeing any sewer entrances, he turned to leave. He started walking towards the street. Suddenly, he felt a strange stinging in his neck. Exhaustion flooded through this body and he stumbled.

"Well, well. Just the thing I wanted to see. Raphael," Shredder whispered in Raphael's ear.

"Shredder. What…what do you want" Raph said, trying to spin around.

To bring you to shame, Raphael," Shredder answered malovently.

"As if I'd let you!" Raph said vehemently, drawing his sai. Shedder slapped them out of his hands easily. Raph stumbled to ground, the strange weakness overcoming him.

"You can't do anything but watch. I just gave you a large dose of heroin," Shredder said. "I recently found out something very interesting about you."

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Raph snapped, working his way towards his sai. He grabbed them and tried once again to attack Shedder. Shredder knocked the sai away again and shoved him roughly to the ground.

It means that you're female, not male," Shredder answered, kneeling down. Raphael's eyes went wide as he realized what Shredder intended to do. "Finally caught on, did you?"

"No," Raph whispered, as Shredder started removing his pants. Raph closed his eyes. He knew that he was too weak to stop Shedder.

After he was done undressing, Shredder forced Raph's legs wide open. Raph tried feebly to fight. Shredder grabbed his arms and pinned them above his head. Shredder then made himself comfortable with Raph's body. He laughed when Raph started crying, with no-one there to hear him.

Soon, Raphael was as helpless as a rag doll. His meager fight disappeared as the heroin took full effect. Shredder was moving inside him, taking his own pleasure and leaving nothing but pain. Finally, Shredder moaned as he came to climax. Raphael bit his lip, tried to keep himself from screaming. It came out as a horrible gurgle as Shedder's heat shot into him.

After he was finished, Shredder got dressed and left, leaving Raphael broken and bleeding. After a few shocked minutes, Raph had the sense to pull the trench coat over himself in case anyone came along. He laid there then, still too fuzzy from the heroin to be able to find his way home.

About an hour later, he stumbled into the lair. Mikey was up waiting for him.

"Yo, it's been 3 hours. Where've you been, Raph?"

"No-where," Raph answered. Mikey shrugged.

"Well, Leo's not too pleased, as usual. And you get to explain it to Sensei," he said. Raph put the coat and hat on the rack.

"Look, I'll deal with it in the morning. I'm really tired right now," he answered.

"Sure. I'll just tell Sensei that you are back. He's been really worried. In fact, I'd be surprised if he isn't still up," Mikey said.

"Thanks, Mikey," Raph answered. They both left the room.

Mikey tapped on Splinter's door and went in. As he expected, Splinter was still up. "Uh, sensei, Raph's back," he said.

"Thank you, Michelangelo. I will speak to him," Splinter said.

"Uh, I think you might want to hold off until morning. He looked like hell on toast when he came in. Like he'd run into trouble," Mikey said.

"All right, I can wait until morning. Thank you for notifying me," Splinter said.


	2. Chapter 2

Raph woke up the next morning to the sound of someone knocking on his door. Splinter walked in and sat on the edge of the bed. "Raphael, why were you gone for so long yesterday? You worried us all," he said.

"I'm sorry, sensei. I lost track of time," Raph answered uncomfortably.

"Michelangelo said you came back in bad condition," Splinter said.

"Oh, I…ran into some trouble. Some of the Foot clan." It's sort of true, Raph thought. He wasn't about to tell Sensei of the rape. Of just how much he had failed.

"Ah. I'm glad you came home safely. Please be more careful when you go out from now on," Splinter answered.

"I will sensei." He'd have no trouble with that.

"Now come to the dojo for the morning's training," Splinter said. He left the room. Raph put his pads and mask on, and cleaned himself off as much as possible.

When Raph got to the dojo, he saw that the others were already there. He joined them as they stretched out. "So, Raph, where did you go last night?" Leo asked in a would-be-casual voice.

"Around," Raph answered.

"Would it have been so hard to tell us where you were going?" Leo asked. Raph looked at his feet. He didn't answer.

"Leonardo, I have already spoken to Raphael about last night. You do not need to scold him further," Splinter said in a reprimanding tone.

"I'm sorry. I was worried. I hate it when he does that," Leo answered.

"Yea, yea, I know. Always the screw-up. I'll work on that," Raph said moodily.

"Raphael," Splinter warned.

"Sorry sensei," Raph said. They all continued warming up.

After they were done, Splinter paired them up for sparring; Don with Mike, and Raph with Leo. Raph and Leo worked against each other in a quick series of movements and slashes. The sounds of their blades clashing blended with the sounds of Mike's and Don's weapons. Suddenly, the rhythm stopped as Raph misbalanced and fell.

"Raphael, you need to watch your footing. That should have been an easy move," Splinter called. Raph didn't give the usual angry, sarcastic reply. "All right, switch."

This time, it was Mike with Raph and Don with Leo. A different sort of rhythm filled the room. The sound of metal against wood worked against the sound of their breathing. "Leonardo, pay attention to your opponent's stance," Splinter called out. Moments later, there was an outcry from Raph as Mike slapped a sai from his hand. "Pay attention to your own opponent, Raphael," Splinter said, and Raph blushed with annoyance. They switched a few minutes later.

They all regained their rhythm as Raph fought Don and Leo fought Mike. Don's bo and Raph's sai clashed, as did Mike's nun chucks and Leo's katanas. They all sparred for a few more minutes, until Don pinned Raph to the wall with his bo. "Raphael, where are you?" Splinter asked.

"I'm…in the dojo, sensei,' Raph answered in a confused voice.

"Your body is surely here, but your mind is a long ways away. Might I ask where it is?" Splinter said.

Raph didn't reply. In truth, he had been thinking about what had happened the previous night. He could just see all their reactions if he said, 'I was thinking about how Shredder raped me last night.' Yea, not happening, he thought. He quickly blinked back some tears, hoping that Splinter hadn't noticed.

As the silence stretched on, the other three looked at each other, sensing the tenseness in the room. It was very unlike Raph not to answer a question from sensei. In fact, now that they thought about it, Raph had been acting strange all morning. He was usually really into training, and really good at sparring. He was usually hard to beat.

"Will you say nothing, Raphael?" Splinter asked. Raph still didn't answer. Splinter heaved a sigh. "Very well. We are done training for the day. Raphael, I want you to meditate on this quietly in your room." And without another word, Raph left the dojo.

"Wow, is it just me, or is he acting weird?" Mike asked.

"He's definitely acting weird," Don answered. "He's usually…feistier."

In his room, Raph started crying. He pressed the pillow over his head to muffle the sounds. The last thing he needed was his brothers interrogating him. He felt so awful, so used, so…tainted. Yes, that was the word he was looking for. Tainted.

He sat up and picked up a random book, trying to distract himself. He looked at it. It was a book about gardens, of all things. Not able to get into it, he tossed it aside. After a few more tries, he gave up. It didn't seem worth spending the energy. If only he could take a shower…but sensei had told him to meditate. He might feel cleaner then, but he somehow doubted it.


	3. Chapter 3

A.N.: I really do plan on finishing this story. One of the reasons I've been so long in updating this story is that I've been researching turtle reproduction. I got a rather disturbing review stating that turtles give live birth, and I have been searching rather frantically for just ONE species that give live births. Unfortunately, I haven't found one. Just the same, I'd rather not use my awesome goddess powers as the author to MAKE it a live birth. Sigh. I don't know what to do. Anyway, I've also been thinking about how I want the next few chapters to proceed; I've been QUITE stuck. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this pitiful excuse for a chapter.

The next morning, Raph woke up to Splinter standing over his bed. Raph avoided his gaze. "Are you better this morning?" Splinter asked, gently putting a hand on Raph's shoulder.

"Yea, I guess," Raph answered. He concentrated on not drawing back from the only father he'd ever known.

"Are you ready to tell me what happened? Splinter asked.

"Sorry," Raph muttered. Splinter gave him a sad, wan smile.

"When you are, I'll be right here. Now, let's get some breakfast," Splinter replied, standing up.

"Actually, do you mind if I take a shower and practice alone for a while? I just need to gather my thoughts," Raph inquired.

"You need some breakfast," Splinter responded.

"I'll get some on the way," Raph promised.

"All right," Splinter conceded. Raph gave him a small, forced smile and got up. They walked out to the living room together.

When they got there, Leo, Don, and Mikey looked up. "Hey, Raph, how are you?" Leo asked.

"Fine, I guess," Raph answered. "Listen, I'm gonna take a shower, and them I'm gonna practice alone for a while. They looked at him for a moment.

"Sure, Raph," Leo said. "If ya like, maybe we can spar later."

"Maybe," Raph agreed, trying to summon up enthusiasm. He went over to the kitchen and grabbed the first package of portable food he saw. He headed back to the shower. Finally, maybe he could wash the Shredder's taint off of him. Maybe he would FINALLY feel clean again.

When he got to the shower, he turned the water on as high as it would go. He set a towel out and grabbed a washcloth. When the water got hot, he stepped in. He flinched when the scalding water hit his skin. He bit his tongue to keep from crying out. Steeling himself to the water, he started scrubbing his skin. He wielded the washcloth without mercy, as if he were cleaning all of the filth, dirt, and vileness from the entire world. He didn't notice that a lot of his own skin went with it.

After turning off the water and stepping out of the shower, he opened the medicine cabinet behind the mirror. He took out a large bottle of rubbing alcohol. He grabbed a fresh washcloth and poured a large quantity out onto it, and then started rubbing his skin. It burned like fire, but he refused to cry out. It couldn't be worse than what Shredder had done.

Finished in the bathroom, he grabbed his "breakfast" and headed towards the dojo. Everyone glanced his way as he passed. But, for some reason, nobody noticed that his skin was rubbed raw. Not saying anything to any of them, Raph went into the dojo.

He slowly started warming up. When he felt ready, he quickened the pace. But, just as flies invade bathrooms, thoughts of what Shredder had done invaded Raph's thoughts. He lost his balance and fell. He just stayed there for a minute.

'How did Shredder defeat me so easily?' Raph allowed himself to wonder for the first time. The question had been in the back of his mind, but he had forced it aside until now. 'Why didn't I hear him coming? How did I let him so close to me that he actually INJECTED ME WITH HEROIN before I noticed him?' he berated himself. With that thought came a new, steely resolve. It would NEVER happen again. He would NEVER allow himself to be THAT weak again.

Forcing himself up, he once again found his balance and started. His food lay ignored in the corner; he wouldn't be able to stomach it anyway. The morning passed as Raph pushed himself harder and harder. Eventually, his brothers had to come in and haul him out to get some lunch; it went down better than Raph expected. But after that, Raph went right back to training. Eventually, Leo did join him, and they sparred. All in all, none of them had EVER seen Raph train quite that hard.


End file.
